Hi Doctors
My fear of HIV has destroyed my sex life for the past 20 yearsto such an extent that i now have erection problems.I have had about 6 sexual encounters in that time frame and everytime i have ended up having hiv tests waitng the correct amount of time for these tests have been harrowing and soul destroying.The worry and anxiety was unbelievable but thankfully all were negative.Now im back to square one again after meeting another lady.I had been talking to her on and off on phone and eventually we met up.What happened was she gave me oral sex unprotected alot of heavy petting as we were both naked and i fingered her for a good 5 mins or so.There was no penetrative sex whatsoever.After fingering her i stated to masturbate myself and that was it.Of course i thought of hiv throughout but i felt i only did safe sex.All was fine until 12 days later i felt as if i was coming down with cold or flu just didnt feel well aches and pains but i dont think i had any fever i took a few cold and flu tablets and was fine within 2 to 3 days but by then my panic had gone into overdrive with hiv.Im trying my best to forget about it and to move on but my mind wont let me it keeps telling me i must test and i really cant go through with another test.I have read your forum which is fantastic and a great help.Now i know ye say recieving oral unprotected is safe as is fingering but my mind is thinking all sorts like could i have got hiv after fingering her and then starting to masterbate myself her vaginal fluids been on my hand all sorts of different scenarios all ending with me having hiv.Im based in Ireland and its now over 5 weeks since my encounter with the lady.I would gratefully love to hear your opinion do youthink i need to test for hiv or should i just move on and put it behind me.Thanks for taking the time to read this and i eagerly await yer reply PS How do i pay the fee

[Dr Jose]

Hello,
Thank you very much for your post and welcome to our forum.
After reading the description of the events during this sexual encounter, I can assure you that there was no risk of HIV infection for you at all whatsoever, even assuming that the lady was positive, which is highly unlikely, and you had some infected vaginal fluid on your hand whilst masturbating. No risk at all of HIV infection. Therefore you do not need to have a test.
What you do need is to seek some psychological help in the form of counselling or psychotherapy. That will help you to overcome these irrational thoughts that have affected your sex life so badly!
Best wishes,
José

Thanks Dr Jose your reply has eased my worries concerning hiv infection.I intend to get checked for other infections i may have left myself exposed to and intend to check out counseling re my hiv fear.Your forum is an excellent service and thanks again for your help.